Behind The Smile

Each morning starts with practiced grace,

I paint a smile upon my face,

A mask so bright,

so well-rehearsed,

No one suspects the aching thirst.

Inside,

the shadows twist and cling,

A heavy,

cold,

unyielding thing,

It drains the color from my view,

And saps the strength I once thought true.

I walk through crowds,

I laugh and joke,

I play the part,

I never choke

But underneath,

my spirit cries,

A silent plea behind my eyes.

Depression is a silent thief,

It steals my joy,

replaces grief,

It tells me lies I can’t unhear,

And fills my heart with quiet fear.

I show the world a sunny day,

While storms inside refuse to sway,

I hold the line,

I hide the scars,

I wish on distant,

fading stars.

No one can see the weight I bear,

The hollow ache,

the vacant stare,

They see the smile,

the easy talk,

Not how I struggle just to walk.

I want to scream,

to just confess,

To let the world see all this mess,

But fear and shame keep words inside,

So every tear I learn to hide.

Yet still,

I rise and face the dawn,

I find the will to carry on,

I wear my mask,

I play my role,

While darkness tries to take control.

Some days,

the mask is hard to lift,

My laughter cracks,

my thoughts go adrift,

But still I try,

I push,

I strive,

To keep the spark of hope alive.

For somewhere deep within my chest,

A stubborn ember will not rest,

It whispers softly,

“You can cope,Hold on to love, hold on to hope.”

So if you see me smile today,

Know it’s a shield to keep at bay

The shadows I must daily fight

A battle waged without the light.

Behind the smile,

a soul remains,

Still searching for release from chains,

Still longing for a gentler space,

Where I can show my truest face.

Until that day,

I’ll carry on,

I’ll wear my mask from dusk to dawn,

And hope that someone,

someday, sees

The silent war inside of me.